Lord, thank you.
It’s been a few weeks now that I’ve been in a dark place because of all my insecurities, self doubt and overthinking. If you could see my inner self, you’d see a little girl crying and squirming not knowing what to do. This little girl started motivated and challenged but she’s turned overly conscious of what other people think, so afraid to make mistakes, so distracted with the things that don’t matter (like politics, who likes/hates who, etc etc).
I’m squirming because the Lord has gifted me a new set of challenges to teach me so many new things about myself. I have longed to learn the quieter virtues – wisdom, perseverance, patience – that I have not yet perfected. I have prayed for grit. I have prayed for the Lord to turn me into a better me.
I’m squirming, because the Lord is cooking something good for my life. I may not see it clearly now. But I feel it. His presence, as I squirm and try so hard to keep still.
I cried for two days. And I don’t know if I am yet to cry some more. But tonight, I feel like smiling. The Lord, in His goodness, is answering my prayers. It’s funny when I see it that way. I’m squirming because God loves me so much. Maybe somewhere up there, he is smiling at His crying child who doesn’t that know that she is going to receive a gift she’s been praying for. 🙏