I feel sad today. My fear of the unknown haunts me. Just a few more days and my countrymen will elect a person who professes that he will be a dictator. He says he loves his country and he will stop crime by any means possible, including killing and violating human rights. He is also not the kindest person – calling people names, cursing, lying, being arrogant, a womanizer, blatantly disrespects women, makes fun of rape, and the list goes on.
I believe a lot of us fought (are fighting) a good fight against the looming darkness of another era of dictatorship. But we live in a democracy and we have to accept the fact that a majority of my countrymen feel that this country needs change, and that change should be as drastic as a dictatorship.
I am bewildered that even my devout Catholic/Christian friends are also supporting him when he violates the number one commandment: Thou shall not kill. I am surprised as to how much my countrymen hates the government and its leaders, when in fact I joined the government because I felt that it was changing for the better. And I believe it did. Though I know it is far from perfect, and I know that it has fell short of hearing and responding to its people, I believe that this government’s vision of inclusive development and prosperity and security is one that I too share. I have seen firsthand the inefficiencies of this government. The bureaucracy is too big to wield and changing/transforming/reforming institutions take time. I believe that this government is not perfect, but its values for nation building are also admirable. It focused on integrity and accountability of leaders and institutions. But all of this took so much time. And all of the mishaps have overshadowed all the gains.
Anyway, Lord. It seems that these efforts are not felt by most of my countrymen and that is why they are clamoring for change. How did we get here Lord? Is it our fault that we wasted so many years (after Marcos) by electing bad leaders? Is it our fault for never choosing continuity? Is it our fault for not fighting for what is right for our poor and marginalized brothers and sisters? Is it our fault for not fighting hard enough? Are we the reason why this nation is finally starting to stand up yet it was too late that it’s people are finally fed up?
Lord, I feel tired. And I want to quit, sometimes. You have given us free will and yet it seems that we are wasting it. There’s so much noise and so much hatred. I am often confused. Most times, all I can feel are my fears.
Lord, I know Your will be done. But let me just take this time to plead with you. Lord, I am afraid. I am afraid to live in fear and uncertainty. I am afraid that my being a woman will suddenly cause for me to fear. Lord, I pray that whatever happens this election, you will guide our leaders and this nation to the right path. Lord, I pray that You help us become better as a people – to take care and carry the interests of our poor, to stop violence and self-interests, to have values that honor life, mutual respect and human rights.
Lord, whatever happens, I will trust in Your love. Your will be done. But please keep us all safe and clothed by your love. Please help my country help itself.
I pray for peace.