In a relationship with social media

“Instagram it or it didn’t happen.”

That about summarizes how most people see life nowadays, including me. I feel the need to Instagram/FB the happiest times, the saddest,  the funny moments, links I find interesting, my hobbies, my dreams, my insecurities, food… and the list goes on. Generally, whatever pops into my mind. 

With already so many people on FB, I post more of the random stuff on Instagram. And I post more personal vague stuff on Twitter. Because I don’t feel like sharing to so many people on FB.

So my typical relationship with social media goes:

Wake up – turn off alarm – go on Facebook just to wake myself up

Get up – sometimes prepare/eat breakfast – while eating, IG and FB

Go to the bathroom – while pooping, FB

Arrive at work – open emails – unconsciously open FB on desktop, scroll

Lunch break – while eating, FB

Get home – FB

Before going to sleep – same, FB, IG

In between scrolling, I post random stuff. For what purpose? I don’t know. Because it’s there. 

Sharing? BECAUSE SO MANY PEOPLE ARE INTERESTED IN WHAT’S HAPPENING TO ME. Wow. Because what I think/say/do affects their life. (I don’t think so.)

What about the endless scrolling? 

Information – well that’s legit 25%

Communication – yep, legit too. But wait, most of the time I don’t really talk to anybody on FB. Just my boyfriend and my mom. Such a great social life. 40%

Chismis – because my friends’ life  are so darn interesting, I want to be updated 24/7. Geez. 20%

Entertainment – yep. I watch cute babies and puppies. 15%
And I admit. My mind is processing ideas for social media. I describe moments in my life (in my head) as I would post it in social media. My social media accounts have become an extension of me. I am not just me, I am my FB, IG and Twitter accounts. 

And I can’t believe that it’s affecting my relationship. I want to post about my love life, sometimes. Because it’s part of the happiest moments I enjoy. I don’t really want to brag about it. I don’t want to let everyone know about it. But it’s a part of me that I want to appear on the extensions of me (my accounts). 

And I feel sad when I can’t. And I feel sad when he doesn’t. (It’s a complicated long story.) And I remember how I’ve never had the kind of cheesy love story on social media. And I remember how he used to have so much of that except it wasn’t me. And I remember why we can’t. And I remember how it all started like a dirty little secret, and how life keeps reminding us of that. 
But now that I am no longer a dirty little secret, just a discreet member of society avoiding scandalous chismis, I feel like needing to cut off the “extensions of me”. Why? Because I don’t need to be validated by social media and people on social media. Because I am not Voldemort. I don’t need horcruxes that will be extensions of my life. Because I don’t need to be pitted against the past. Because I’m tired of having to scroll everyday. Because I’m tired of thinking what to share even if no soul will freaking care, except to be updated. Because I have to stop caring about what other people are doing with their lives. Because I have to start rebuilding my worth without affirmation from “friends”. Because I’m tired of comparing how it is, how it was, how it “should” be based on this society’s social media standards. 

So today, I decided to cut off these extensions of me. And be whole. Maybe I’ll be content. Maybe nothing will change. I don’t know. But maybe, just maybe, something good might come out of being isolated from the world of social media. 

“Instagram it or didn’t happen.”

Then nothing happened. Who the f cares. 
Update: I had a really bad, horrible dream that made me cry. :'( 

But it made me realize this one good thing about social media, it keeps me connected with my family even if we are not together everyday. Even if we don’t really talk to each other everyday, we get updated with what’s happening to the other. So I’m reconsidering. 

Maybe social media should not be just about me, my life or my love life. It should be about people I care about. 

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