There are days that I just get so revved up to do so much stuff like work and overtime like crazy, jog at night, study before I sleep, and just wake up early everyday.
But there are slumpy days. Like this weekend when I have all the free time in the afternoon and I choose to lie down and watch movie after movie, write on this blog and just stare at the screen. Some people call this relaxing but why can’t I just relax? I feel anxious.
There’s also this feeling that I have so much time alone that I keep on thinking about life and myself and just get depressed sometimes. It’s a vicious cycle – anxiety, wanting to be alone, overthinking, but too lethargic or depressed to do anything. Last two weeks was almost zero exercise (all work work work), drinking and shopping. Bad symptoms.
Am I too hard on myself? Yes, because I feel anxious when I do try to relax. No, because why am I even relaxing in the first place? I have so much more important things to do than lay around.
But I don’t feel up to doing anything. So lazy.
Hay, Lord, I pray for peace of mind. And the will to push on. And the happiness to break this slump.