Last Day and Today

Today is my last day at work.

Tomorrow is my first day of Masters.

Ugh. I am happy but I can’t shake that feeling of me flinging myself of into an abyss, a world unknown to me, a movement away from my comfort zone.

I have to admit I was doing fine here at my job. I was able to perform all my duties, even introduced some changes and ideas to make the organization better. It’s been a year and a half since I started. I get up in the morning, face the monitor, think, type, think, type, write for someone else (without recognition), stare at the screen some more, answer emails. I’ve almost understood the complexities of the organization (and the bosses) but I can’t let go of that sinking feeling that this is not for me. .

Then that leads me to another question: What is FOR ME?

I want to go be in something more creative. I don’t know how to start and I don’t know if I have what it takes. But heck, one can never accomplish anything if one does not try. The plus side of my previous job was that I earned money for vacation and rent. I was able to save some money too. (Posted as draft last June 15 2012)

TODAY. It’s been almost 2 months since I started my new job, and it’s been 3 months since I started school again for my Masters. Time flies when you’re a busy bee. At school, I am barely making it. I don’t know if I should take that as a sign that it’s not for me… Or as a sign that I am lazy. Haha I am currently juggling three things at the same time: school, full time writing and part time writing. Some days it’s driving me crazy. Other days I am happy that I am actually being able to do a lot of stuff and not merely wasting my time.

This time though, I am earning much less and spending much more and having less time. But finally, my job’s more creative now. I think I like this job writing about weddings. For one, I don’t dread going to work and while at work I don’t feel like I’m wasting my time. And I think I still have a lot to learn and being hands on helps.

With school, I don’t really know. I wanted this and I enjoy classes but sometimes I doubt myself if this is what I want. Do I really want to be a big shot economist one day? I know I want to learn how the economy works (it’s kinda useful you know, especially if you want to go into business and investing someday, which I do) but the classes really are difficult for me. Well, my business dreams can wait. I just have to save and finish my Masters in two and a half years.

It’s still an up and down thing. I want to be able to find myself in all of these things I do. I want to know what I want and what I’m good at and make them go together.

Sorry I am rambling. It’s been a happy day and so the writing. It’s a conscious thing you know. I stop and think if I am happy. Tired today, but I am happy.




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