I just recently went to a bookstore. And there it came, a sudden realization that I want everything in life.
At first I didn’t think that that was a bad thing. I am young and I thirst for learning and experiencing everything life has to offer.
So there I was, looking for a book to read. I went to the non-fiction bestseller area and I couldn’t choose. Everything had nice reviews.
And then I got lost and found self-help books for entrepreneurs and people who would want to go into business and be their own boss. I browsed through them (I actually own some of them already) and found some interesting, some not too much. Basically, I find them inspiring, especially the ones that tell of real life success of ordinary people.
And then there I was in the self-help section with so many books on happiness and courage and making people like you. I browsed one, the Happiness Project, by Gretchen Rubin. It was an insightful research on happiness.
And then I was in the artsy books part of the store. How to draw, how to draw cartoons, how to make your own comic, how to paint, arts and crafts, designs, how to design your home, tattooing, DIY decorations. Oh how wonderful everything was!
A little close to this was the cookbooks in full color. I especially like ones that are for pastries, colorful cakes, creative cupcake designs. I remember wanting to be a cake artist when I was young. But I never really pursued it. I used to bake, but never really got into practicing it as well.
And then the local comics. I did not know that there were still local comic artists. I thought the genre was already dying. But guess what, they recently organized a Komikon and a lot of people attended. I don’t know the artists but people seem to be fans so they must be good. I want to be a local comics enthusiast too!
And then I found local contemporary literature. I knew some of the popular authors. And I thought, why didn’t I pursue writing? I think I can write, so why didn’t I? I envied them for being published and was even enticed to buy one just to know what/how they write (about).
After all that time spent at the bookstore, I was NOT able to buy any book. Not even one. What was wrong with me? I wanted to buy a book but I couldn’t choose! I wanted everything.
And the sad reality was that because I wanted everything, I was not able to buy ANYTHING. And in real life, that is what’s happening to me. In my head I want to do so many things that I end up doing NOTHING. I say I want to sew, do arts and crafts, sell. But I never get to it. I say I love arts, but when was the last time I drew/made anything? I say I like baking and designing cupcakes/cakes, but WHEN did I last do that? I say I want to learn more about them all but when did I try practicing?
So I say to myself today, CHOOSE ONE/TWO and then DO IT. DO IT. I don’t care if your crappy but you wouldn’t know if you won’t try. STOP dreaming and make it happen! Don’t care what other people will think. JUST DO IT.
(Sometimes I feel like Sybil, the girl with sixteen personalities. If only they went ahead and did what I couldn’t. Haha)