Invictus

A reminder for when I am weak.

Invictus
BY WILLIAM ERNEST HENLEY

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul.

#Hugot

“Kasi ‘yung ganyang kalaking pagmamahal, ganyang overwhelming love, imposibleng walang pupuntahan eh. May mababalik sayong pagmamahal. Not necessarily sa taong pinagbigyan mo, pero sigurado ako, mababalik ‘yan sa’yo.”

Ako lang yata hindi natuwa sa “That Thing Called Tadhana”. Dahil siguro wala akong #Hugot na mahugot sa puso kong masaya.

Maliban nalang siguro sa linyang iyan sa taas. Sinasabi niyang ayos lang magmahal ng sobra kasi siguradong babalik sayo ‘yun. Hindi man ngayon, hindi man sa taong pinagbigyan mo, pero dadating siya ng hindi mo inaasahan. Kasi nga naman kung anong ibibigay natin sa mundo, ‘yun din malamang ang babalik sa atin. Sabi nga sa science, nothing is created nor destroyed. Nagbabago lamang ng anyo.

Kaya hindi na rin ako nagsisisi sa pagmamahal na ibinigay ko sa mundo. Kahit nasaktan ako noon. Kahit naramdaman kong hindi ako tinuring gaya ng gusto ko. Hindi ako nagsisisi kasi ngayon pa lang, ramdam ko na yung sinasabing pagbabalik sakin ng pagmamahal na binigay ko sa mundo. Mahal ako ng mga magulang at kapatid ko. Mahal ako ng mga kaibigan at kaopisina kong naging kaibigan ko na rin. Kahit yung aso ko, mahal na mahal ako. May isang tao ring nagmamahal sa akin gaya ng pagmamahal ko sa kanya.

Kaya kung may #Hugot ako sa pelikulang ‘yon. Ito na siguro yun. :)

Unfortunate Events and Unexpected Miracles

Today was a series of unfortunate events and unexpected miracles.

I was part of a team organizing a mission at the office. One of the most important days in the mission is the first day since it is where high officials take part in the activity. It is the meeting to set the tone for all succeeding meetings. It was scheduled at 9:00AM and the team was supposed to be there by 8:00 for the preparations.

I woke up at 5:30AM. I’d be coming from my home down south and I would need to leave early. Unfortunate event number 1 happened when my car key remote (for keyless entry) wouldn’t work. The car alarm just wouldn’t stop. Long story short, I was not able to leave the house at 5:30AM. At 6:20AM, I decided to just leave using the defective remote all open and inside out.

Unfortunate event number 2 was the traffic. It was traffic from the beginning until the end. I wanted to bang my head on the stirring wheel. I was doomed. It was already 8AM and I was still very far. I managed to arrive at the apartment at 8:30AM to take a bath and dress up. Unexpected miracle number 1 was me being able to leave the apartment at 8:40AM.

Unexpected miracle number 2 was that there was no traffic and stop lights. The travel to the office was light and easy. I managed to be at the office at 9:10AM.

Unexpected miracle number 3 is the flag ceremony that delayed the 9AM meeting. It gave me time to set-up the presentation, make copies of the presentation and some last minute preparations.

Unexpected miracle number 4 is that the kick-off meeting went without a hitch. The Secretary used my words in her message (which was a bit cool and scary at the same time) and most of the important people who needed to be there were there.

Unfortunate event number 3 was that the office who was presenting in the afternoon wasn’t around in the morning to hear what our boss had to say. Unfortunate event number 4 was that another boss immediately started the afternoon meeting and did not allow people to have an hour lunch break. I ate quickly on my desk while photocopying presentations. The others were not able to eat because they had to present already.

Unexpected miracle number 4 is that even if the meeting came two hours early, the office came prepared and in somewhat full force. The discussion was lively.

Unfortunate event number 4 is when our cash advance couldn’t be approved because of some strict rules about cash advances. I mean, what are we supposed to do? Stop the activity because we have no money? Unexpected miracle number 5 is that it still got approved and hopefully the check will be available tomorrow.

Unexpected miracle number 6 is having team mates who were willing to sacrifice to get the job done. One even paid for the meals and snacks because we didn’t have the money. I’m too grateful that he saved me a wrinkle on my forehead. Unexpected miracle number 7 is that somehow everything went well in the day and I am finally home. Too excited to sleep.

I think the major lesson I learned today is that we will not be able to comprehend miracles if we have not yet experienced hardship. Today was full of challenges but each one was an opportunity to witness a miracle. Today’s miracles were not grand. They were bits of good things that happened just at the right time and in the right place and at the right moment.

I am grateful for today’s grateful heart. Thank you God for happiness in every cup.

Day 8 Almost

I was on the verge of a relapse today. Stressful day at work, had drinks with the boys, went home, drank beer and had a misunderstanding. I really really wanted to smoke. Maybe just one. Maybe just a hit, or two, or half a cigarette. Maybe just one would be okay and I’d be back to regular no smoking tomorrow. I couldn’t stop thinking about it.

So I told a friend that I really wanted to smoke. Really really wanted to. I wanted to just do it and give in and feel better for a little while. And he told me not to. And he even called to distract me (intentionally or not, I am grateful).

So I almost didn’t survive Day 8. But I did. Thank you Lord.

Grit and Success

80% of life is showing up. -Woody Allen

“Grit is the tendency to sustain interest in and effort toward very long-term goals. Self-control is the voluntary regulation of behavioral, emotional, and attentional impulses in the presence of momentarily gratifying temptations or diversions.” – Angela Duckworth

I took the Grit Test and scored 2.38/5. Gosh, I need to work on being gritty for 2015.

2014 Highlights

Part of reliving the whole year is being grateful for what has happened within the 365 days God gave me. Here is a run down of the highlights of my 2014.

1. First time to travel abroad with my mom and little sister. We went to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia and it was fun just exploring with them. I look forward to more travels with these two loves of my life.

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2. First time to climb a serious mountain. Serious, meaning it was not just a normal mountain that we used to climb in Mindoro during field work or those short hikes. It was the second highest mountain in the Philippines (officially) – Mt. Pulag in Benguet. It was so cold and challenging to climb but the ‘new’ best friend and I made it! Whew!

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3. I got promoted. More responsibilities, higher pay. I’m also starting to like what I am doing and I’m also actually valuing my experience this time around. :)

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4. Broke up with my boyfriend because I guess I didn’t really ‘love’ him anymore. I didn’t like the person I was with him anymore. We didn’t even talk about the break up or kept in touch, which I think is a good thing.

5. Found new love – the kind of love that feels so nice and warm. The kind where you feel loved just because you are you, and still you want to be a better person for them. The kind of love and person that I thought never existed but does. :)

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6. Fell in love, got my heart broken, learned to let go, forgave, fell in love again.

7. Organized two missions (work) with flying colors, just as I prayed for. Commended by development partners and the Secretary. We look forward to becoming a better team this 2015.

8. Cut my hair the shortest ever.

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9. Started writing and reading poetry.

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by Lang Leav

10. Moved to a new home and I love my new room!

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11. Second time for a surprise birthday party! Thank you to my sweet office mates for the English tea party. =)

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12. Drove to Nasugbu, Batangas (with office friends) and Sta. Rita, Pampanga (alone). Becoming brave enough to be designated driver now.

13. Had a wonderful gatsby themed Christmas with family.

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14. Joined a new office/family.

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15. First office travel! To Camarines Norte and Maguindanao (of all places)! Made me appreciate the freedoms that we have and the comfortable life I have.

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16. Made new close friends in the office to whom I can share problems and secrets with. They make life easier and happier. =)

17. Went to Nasugbu, Batangas for three consecutive weekends. Beach, beach, beach. =P

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18. Saw Johnoy Danao like two times. Nursed a crush for a while. Haha

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19. Decided to lessen cigarette smoking. Went from 5, to 3, to 2, to 1 stick a day. 2015 will be smoke free!

20. Went back to church and renewed my faith. Learned humility, trust and hope through Him who gives me strength.

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Thank you Lord for 2014! This year I have learned to be humble – for my strengths, weaknesses, skills and everything about me is God’s gift, not mine but His. I learned the power of prayer and in trusting God’s perfect timing and plans for me. I look forward to 2015 and what He has in store for me.

Cheers to the new year!