Birthday

My birthday’s coming and I realize I’ve never really liked my birthdays. There’s this pressure to be happy and I hate that. Never really a fan of being excited, or surprises because you have to plaster a smile on your face.

I’m weird. I know.

those days

there are often sunny days
when i just want to hide
away from all those eyes that stare
a place where i can just lie

though flowers bloom and birds float tunes
i’d rather just stay here
where darkness croons full of gloom
a place without a care.

Thinking Out Loud


When your legs don’t work like they used to before
And I can’t sweep you off of your feet
Will your mouth still remember the taste of my love?
Will your eyes still smile from your cheeks?

When my hair’s all but gone and my memory fades
And the crowds don’t remember my name
When my hands don’t play the strings the same way
I know you will still love me the same

‘Cause honey your soul could never grow old, it’s evergreen
And, baby, your smile’s forever in my mind and memory
I’m thinking ’bout how people fall in love in mysterious ways
Maybe it’s all part of a plan
Well, I’ll just keep on making the same mistakes
Hoping that you’ll understand

Take me into your loving arms
Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars
Place your head on my beating heart
Thinking out loud
That maybe we found love right where we are

Ed Sheeran

My prayers are becoming longer and longer. A lot of thank yous to God for so much blessings, for the littlest things like waking up each day up to the biggest blessings like getting promoted and for Him keeping my family and loved ones healthy, safe and most of all happy. I cry sometimes while praying just because I am so thankful for all the love I receive and give each day. I feel like the biggest proof that He is listening to us is when we count our blessings and realize that so much is given to us each and everyday, even if we don’t ask for it. Even when we can’t give Him anything in return but a simple thank you. It is overwhelming sometimes.

And then there’s the long list of sorries for all the things I may have done to hurt Him and my neighbors. Those times I turned away from people who needed me. Or those times I spoke ill of others without understanding them or without even realizing it. And the list of things I should’ve done but didn’t because I was too selfish or distracted by my own wants and need. And there’s the things I’ve done and regret doing. But then I am again thankful for His forgiving heart and His grace to help me become a better person.

Then I stop to think of all my hopes and fears so I can lift them up to Him. I pray that He continuously take care of the people I love. I pray for this all the time because what is a life without the people I love. I pray for each of their happiness, safety, health and all their heart’s desires. I ask Him to bless them, and I pray for the things they are also praying for for themselves – a project proposal, a quota, a contest, an upcoming wedding, a relationship, a test and all else I know of. I even talk to Him and try to justify why they deserve to be blessed as well. Lawyering for their blessings. :P

And then I pray for my fears at work, in school, my weaknesses, my strengths and my insecurities. I pray He give me whatever it is I need to serve the people around me. I pray He make me so full of love and light that I can have enough to share with the people around me. I pray for happiness. I pray to be worthy of His love and all His blessings.

And every now and then I pray for the people who once became part of my life, because I know their fears and dreams as well. And it doesn’t matter if they know or not that I prayed for them. It doesn’t matter if they have hurt me. I pray for them just because I still wish them the best in life.

Then I thank Him for listening and ask for His will to be done. Because I trust Him to take care of everything that I cannot control. And I feel peace as I know He has heard every single word. :)

Tipping Point

Sometimes I wonder how you get from here to there without noticing anything. Like how did it happen that you spend a whole big chunk of your life with someone and then just move on to the next. How can you be sure that this time around it won’t be the same as before? How can your heart deal with letting someone in so deep and just letting them go? Will there always be a tipping point? It scares me.

Afternoon naps make me craycray. Maybe this is why God’s message today is to “be still and know that I am God”. #Magtiwala

Dove c’è amore, c’è anche dolore. (Where there is love, there is also pain.)

The pain of grief is just as much part of life as the joy of love: it is perhaps the price we pay for love, the cost of commitment. To ignore this fact, or to pretend that it is not so, is to put on emotional blinkers which leave us unprepared for the losses that will inevitably occur in our own lives and unprepared to help others cope with losses in theirs.

(Dr. Colin Murray Parkes from Shakira Sison’s Newsletter) 

Unboxing

Saddest to see my hu box (box of old memories) were infiltrated by unwanted creatures. 😔 Good thing some of the letters were still retrievable.

I chanced upon this one letter from
my mom that made me cry.

IMG_6358.JPG

This was from the time my parents were having troubles with their marriage and all of us had to be strong despite uncertainty of what will happen to our family.

I’m happy that even then, despite me being me, she was already proud of who I was and who I was becoming. :’)

I love you so much, Ma. You are always a source of my strength.

With Love to Japan

I cannot bear to cry. Because I am so happy for you and this great gift that being sad for you leaving is selfish. Instead, I will be the happiest, most supportive person for you. I love you, sometimes even more than myself, and it brings me great joy to see your heart’s desires fulfilled. Remember? My prayer for you was always for God to give you your heart’s desires and only He knows what those are.

And this is one of them, I think. And I’m grateful to God for giving you this gift. Things will change, I know. But I’m always hopeful that it will be for the better for both of us. I will be patiently waiting for that right time, the right moment and the right “us” to finally be what we were meant to be.

I love you, always. Wherever you may be.

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